Birthing, isn’t always a mother’s virtue. We birth new habits, new dreams and new hopes all the time. Within us, exists an inner child, the part of us responsible for our present beliefs and we are solely responsible for its parenting. Your beliefs can be destructive or flawed as I like to call them, or constructive. We don’t realize it until we sit by the giant tree of wisdom, get aware of the surroundings and the present moment and introspect. As for myself, I believe there is always some ground for improvement in every person and so their inner child is sort of more with flawed beliefs. With these flawed beliefs, we birth a happiness trap for ourselves which is a way of telling our ego self that happiness can come only if everything external to you is perfect.
Happiness comes from within.
– Dalai Lama
It’s the quote I’d look at each time I’d feel troubled or suffocated by the world. Oh, what a fool I was. I was only making the happiness trap more stronger, day by day. I knew the teachings of great lords and ladies but somehow they never gave me anything but a momentary consolation for the way things were. It wasn’t until I stopped fearing and gathered the courage to embrace the concept of inner bonding. Sheryl Paul, a writer and a counselor, was the one who motivated me enough to break the happiness trap I built for myself.
Happiness doesn’t come from other’s actions or even the state of things around you. It lies within yourself, you only have to reach for it. It is hard work but it is noble. One can do so by conversing with their inner child, get to know him/her and reconstruct your sole belief system.
As for a highly sensitive person like myself, I have always been the kind of person to feel uncomfortable with the tiniest of happenings, the smallest of transitions and my sensitive nature, I’d kind of lead myself into a suffering. I learned as a child that I’ll be always unhappy if I don’t control the things around me. If anything were wrong or I didn’t feel happy (ultimately it was the belief that I should always feel joyous and that’s what being happy mean, that caught me into the happiness trap), I’d instantly blame the things or they way people were around me. Sure people can be mean and do things on purpose to make you feel bad but like me, if you were a people pleaser, if you believed everyone should like you in order for you to be called a good person (a flawed belief right there!), you might take it all to the next level of happiness trap. I took my sensitive nature as a curse or simply a bad aspect of my nature. It wasn’t until I started applying Sheryl’s work into my life that I realized it so wasn’t. Being sensitive gives me the opportunity to introspect more often and get to know myself and others better.
Being a sensitive person I know that people that fall into my category (yes! there are always different kind of people) tend to avoid things that bring them suffering and pain which happens awfully quite often. This avoidance slowly reforms their personality to an avoidant one. Yes! that’s what I became. I’d avoid anything that’d trigger an uncomfortable memory or feeling. However, choosing the intent to learn over the intent to avoid or control, as Sheryl so often quotes, brought me a few nice changes.
I’ve read books and books and more books about happiness, I’ve heard lectures on how to apply the right techniques to be happy but none brought me relief other than what I talk about in my current article. Birthing a new belief system is cure to all the unhappiness. Being happy doesn’t mean things should always go your or the right away, instead we should bring in a healthier definition of happiness into practice which says happiness is to be content with your inner self and the world, no matter how worse the situation. This wisdom doesn’t come in a minute, it takes a whole lifetime and you have to practice it every day, every moment in order to birth a new life in yourself, a healthier vision and better prospects about living a life.